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Right now...
I feel so bored I could die. hehe
I'm so excited about my trip to Arizona, I can't wait to get the hell out of California...I hope it goes well.
Wish me Luck.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, February 4th, 2005
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For the first time in a long time I feel like myself. I'm doing the things that I very much enjoy doing. I'm spending time with the people that matter the most to me. My relationship with my brother is finaly at the Ross and Monica place. :)
So yes...things are good.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, January 31st, 2005
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Saturday, January 29th, 2005
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I do very much want to make good decisions. Yet, I always somehow manage to get into bad situations. geez. What I ultimately want is to have things be easy. I want life to some day be easy to manage. How great would it be if everything in life was simple. I want everything to be simple. I want friends that make our friendship easy to have. I want an intimate relationship with some that I can just simply be with. I want a guy that I can sit next to and feel no pressure to talk. Oh man, I dont know remember or maybe I dont even know what it's like to just be with someone.
Does any of this shit make any sense?
Fuck.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
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I hate these moods I fucking get into. I hate this feeling of total loneliness...it makes me kinda angry and gets me into this annoying pissy mood.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
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Why is that when I have to most definitly sleep...I cant. I have to go to sleep and wake up in less than four hours to go to class. Tonight my insomnia gave me some time to work on this lj and a chance to default a new picture (I dont know if I'll keep it up yet).
This weekend was too much fun. I got a chance to spend time with my very best of friends Trenella and since I hardly get to see her it made me extra happy. Let me just say now that I love dancing to 80's music and I did a lot of that this weekend. :)
Ok since I haven't been using my livejournal...I would say I'm rusty so give me time to get back into this.
*smoke*
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, January 16th, 2005
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I've completely forgotten about livejournal. Looking back I have no damn idea how I even began this damn thing to begin with. Should I try to revive that old livejournal love? Hmmm...I need your opinions here.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
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I've been talking to this guy and I've kinda thought that he liked me but I'm usually wrong or unaware of these type of things. Today he said that the best thing to do is to be honest....and he said "hey nanny i like you". Usually, when something like this happens I dont know what to think and I get a nervous. I'm still dont know what to do think about it but I know I felt relieved to know instead of just silently assuming.
So yeah, there's this guy....
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 9th, 2004
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| Time: | 5:41 pm. |
| Mood: |  stressed. |
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Today was horrible...
I had to a speech to say today and I blew it.
damnit.
damnit.
Now I have to go find something to completely throw myself into in order to not think about today.
What makes it worse is that I was prepared and had every intention on doing good but once I was up there....frozen. I froze and everything I needed to say was no where in my thoughts to be found.
Shit.
I need to get over this....now.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
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What happened to the days when I actually had something to say?
I feel overwhelmed with what I cant and wont say.
There's actually been times when I forget to breath.
I need to find some stable ground....
somewhere I can relax.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 26th, 2003
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This past week has been so overwhelming!
Why is that people have the ability to rotate others?
I feel as though these past five or six days have been filled with events and circumstances throwing me on a major emotional roller coaster.
And above that non sense there's reality too:
I had a eight essay question quiz today....stress.
My brother got in a car accident....thankgoodness he's okay.
I'm not taking care of myself as well I should....stupidity.
The stupid kind of reality:
This asshole seemed to believe that for months now I was taking it lightly when was taking it seriously.....I'm done with it.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
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I'm doing okay these days and that's good.
I had a pretty good weekend with my friend Jennie, we acted as though we had nothing productive to do and just hung out. Today I really have to do some fucking homework.
Anyhow...
In order to not leave this entry completely boring I'll end it by saying "I fucking love my new tattoo".
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, November 7th, 2003
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Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone.
"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."
The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.
As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
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I'm so tired.
I want to be able to sleep.
My mind and the stress it creates separated me from rest.
Fuck.I'm so tired.
I feel fucking lame admitting it....
But I wish I was with him right now.
I need to simply lay next to him and feel whatever the fuck that great feeling is when I'm just there with him.
Why is he never here?
Fuck.
I'm so tired.
I haven't slept in days.
Fuck.
Is it wrong to feel a need for someone to provide you comfort(not always but just those certain sometimes)?
I feel wrong.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 18th, 2003
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I wont be miserable today.
I just wont fucking be miserable today.
My plans are to enjoy my kick ass plans and surrender to it already.
Yet, although I do plan to be happy today....
My heart is going to stay with what heard yesterday.
Someone I love dearly is going through something tough.
You know who you are and although I'm not there with you...
I'm right there with you.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 6th, 2003
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It's over.
Anything I wanted is no longer attainable.
What I hoped for is no longer worth it.
I cant believe that I allowed myself to get so fucking caught up.
I deserve shit.
Some would say that I gave up too soon.
They just dont get it.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of struggling in every fucking area in my life.
When is it going be easy?
When the fuck I'm I finally going to be able to take a deep breath and simply breath? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
*I hurt him damnit*
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 4th, 2003
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I had a headache yesterday and I needed some aspirin.
Two three minutes later....
He hands me two aspirin in a napkin and some water.
I open up the scrunched up napkin and read that he wrote "why are YOU so beautiful" on it. :)
Is that cute or lame?
(Personally...it made me smile)
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, September 29th, 2003
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I had such an amazing day yesterday.
him.
me.
Too bad yesterday is fucking gone.
him.
her.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 26th, 2003
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I'm tired of all the same bull shit.
Everything fucking irritates me because nothing changes.
It's my own fucking fault.
Why is that when I know things are bad...I stick with it?
What the hell is wrong with me?
I'm not doing anything to better who I am.
How I can I head the direction I wish to be in?
Why I cant I get myself to move?
Why am I stuck?
Why dont I move?
I feel tired and weak when maybe I shouldnt.
Nothing is wearing me down, I'm wearing myself down.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, September 22nd, 2003
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| Time: | 8:18 pm. |
| Mood: |  irritated. | | Music: | tom petty & the heartbreakers- "the waiting". |
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I want him.
He wants me.
But everything else is in the fucking way!
Fuck.
Shit.
Damn.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
at_least_i_try's journal
okay.
cheerful.
faded.
crappy.
calm.
lethargic.
thirsty.
good.
numb.